Wednesday, July 29, 2009
How do you cope with the grief of putting your cat down a couple months ago?
Answers:
I agree with the general sentiment here. You never really get past it. The pain receeds after awhile, although how long is entirely an individual matter.
My heart goes out to you. Losing a beloved cat is no different than losing a beloved human. A part of your life is missing and it is inevitable that you will feel the loss deeply. Our rescue is generally a place of "last resort" where cats who have no other place to go end up. Many are severely ill or injured, so we lose cats on an all-too regular basis. Some of them are with us a long time, others have a shorter stay. We care about and love each of them, though. Much as it hurts us, we always stay with them to the very end if there is no choice but to euthanize them. I wish I could tell you that, after all this time, I've discovered the "easy way" to grieve and recover. Regrettably, I have found no such thing. What I can tell you is that I've learned that it is worth it. Even on the worst day when I want to block myself off from the world and never care about another living thing because of the pain, I know in my heart it is worth it. There is little in the world that can compare with the love of a cat. The value of another creature in your life can be measured not only by the joy of having them there, but also by the depth of loss when they are gone.
Some things that have helped us over the years: we keep a special space on one of our living room walls for our departed loved ones, human and animal. We hang pictures of them and keep a candle to light when someone is thinking of one of them.
Every Samhain (Halloween) and also at other times like birthdays (if they were one of our life-long residents), we take some time to remember those who have died and share stories, funny, sad or sweet, of their lives and we celebrate the time we did have with them.
When we lose one of our beloved, when everyone is ready we make space for another one in need in memory of the one we've lost. Of course nobody ever can "replace" one we've lost, but we can celebrate their memory by giving a chance to someone else who might not otherwise have another chance at life. If you're not ready for something like that, you could also donate to a local shelter or rescue in memory of your loved one. (Just a note- make sure to do your homework before giving out money to any organization. Sadly, there are immoral people who will take advantage and your donation will go into their pockets and not into the care of the animals. So just be careful.) I've heard of some places (and we've thought of doing this ourselves) that allow sponsorship of a particular animal. You might want to "virtually" adopt in this manner if you're not ready yet for another "in person" companion.
Best wishes and we will be thinking of you during this difficult time. If you need to talk, please drop us a note.
~Black Sheep Rescue
PS. Take especially good care of yourself during your grieving process. Make sure to nurture yourself both with good food and general kindness. Give yourself permission to be sad and to grieve. Too often society is hard on people who mourn deeply for "just a cat" or "just a dog" (I personally despise those phrases) and thus people tend to suppress or hide their feelings instead of allowing for healthy grief and recovery. Pay no attention to the heartless ones who give you a hard time. Just think of it this way; they are the poorer for never knowing the love of a cat (or dog).
i know this sounds like your not respecting your other cat but, get a new kitten. the joy of having a kitten should work and make you happy. it worked for me
some people never get over the lose of their pet. perhaps getting a new kitten will help. sometimes u need a diversion and we all know what a great diversion a kitten is. good luck and God bless.
It is hard to lose a pet. I am still coping with mine running away. That was just 2 months ago. But I adopted a new kitten from the shelter and I am feeling better knowing that I rescued a kitten and gave it a home. It didnt replace my other cat, no one could replace him, but just having something there helped. My new kitty loves all of my other cats toys, so its like a part of him is still here.
When you are ready, consider adopting a kitten. This is a great thing to do for the animal and for yourself. Animals relieve stress too.
First of all. i'm sorry for your loss. It's hard, but time 'will' heal the pain. Have you thought about getting another cat ? Maybe not right now, but in the near future ? I know it sounds hard, and another cat cannot 'replace' the one you lost. but a new friend, can help 'ease' the loss. I am in a similiar situation with a bird that i had to 'give up' back in April. I hated doing it, but i 'had' to.and it's still hard 'today' ! Just remember the good times with the cat, and try to remember that it's ok to grieve. you lost a friend, and try to move on, with 'another friend'. Best of wishes to you.
know anyone who has cats? going there and helping them take care of them helps. or get a kitten, but its always hard to start over.
omg i'm so sorry that happened to you. i lost my kitty this year too. i cried everyday for like 3 weeks. i eventually got over it, as everyone does when they suffer a loss. i just recently got a new cat from the pound and it has almost the same personality as my old kitty. its weird though.i almost resent my new kitty though.i still miss my old one. dont be in too quick of a rush to get a new one or else you might feel like i do and resent it. if you need to talk, e-mail me.
you wont get over it , you can only get around it. I can E-mail you some Poems to help you. They helped me.
Cry, have a healthy one or two.then tell her/him how much you love him/her and glad that he/she made her peace. Then, get another pet to fill the emptyness. Sorry for your loss
i am very sorry for your loss, try to not think about a great way to get your mind off of your old cat is to volunteer at a local animal shelter,1st this will make you feel better without feeling like your replacing your old cat! Hope I helped.
just think of the good times, hopefully your cat had good long life. I've gone and got another one!
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. our dog had to be put to sleep (she had lymphoma). as it happened, that was a week before 9/11. It took me a long time to get over that grief. Part of the healing process was not only understanding Izzy was in a better place and pain free, but that it was OK to mourn for her. Honestly, that was 5 years ago and sometimes when I think about her for too long I get a little misty-eyed. (For some reason, though, when look at her memorial tree we planted, I get this image of her flying around with little doggie wings and a halo, and that makes me smile.)
You may want to adopt another pet if you think it will help- or you may not be ready. My mom wasn't ready for a new pet until two years ago, but she has brought great joy to our lives.
Please accept my condolances. Just give your heart time to heal.
Well, you don't cope you just have to go through it. As time goes by you will start to feel a little more closure. I lost my cat last December and decided no more pets.
I have pictures of my cat up on the wall. I talk to her when I pass by and that has helped me feel close to her.
After 9 months something was missing in the house. The house was too empty and lonely that I decided to adopt two kittens.
Now the house has life in it again, although these kittens are very different from my other cat they have filled up a gap in me that I never knew would happen.
There are so many pets that need our love; we can grieve for one, but know there are many more out there needing loving owners.
Hope this helps.
You poor thing. I really feel your loss. I had to put down my baby after 18 years of friendship.
Things that helped me get past the pain was knowing I had done the best thing for her (she had a stroke and could no longer eat - she was basically starving to death and losing the ability to breathe. Had I let her die on her own, it would have been a painful excrutiating death.) Know that you have done the merciful thing by easing her pain.
Also, I got another kitten. Kittens, with their youthfulness and spirit make it easier.
Unfortunately for me, my new kitten got outside and fell out of a tree breaking it's back and had to be put down as well. I had to put down two cats in a month's time.. It was not a good time for me.
That was 5 years ago. I still miss my cat. She was like family to me. But my family remembers and honors her like we would a relative that has passed. And time helps as well..
Get a kitten, and the sleepless nights of listen'n to them "ponce" everthing between the hours of ? Is all you can do. I have had a male siamese all my life. when one dies i get another. I am on number 6 now for 10 years, and yea he will die too but its is natural. Just move on with another and start new memories.
First, go to www.rainbowbridge.com and make a memorial for him. Read some of the ones there if you can see for crying.
Cry a lot.
I had to let Bubba go at age 3+ when he got FIP, and I'd had him since 3 days; I bottle fed him, and there's nothing like that love. I truly wanted to die myself. That was in May 1997, and I'm still not completely over it, though I have a 9 year old boy, a 2 year old bottle Baby and a six year old girl; I still miss my Bubba. He was black, and had a star on his chest, and we were each other's worlds.I left a man I thought I loved because he wouldn't tolerate the cat. I guess I'm realllllly not over it yet, bawling now! Sorry, didn't mean to unload on you. Just hang on, it does get easier, sometimes I go 2 or 3 days without actually thinking about him or looking for him.
I soooo feel your pain right now. I just had to put my 16 year old kitty Princess down a month ago and I'm still grieving. As is my kitty Shadow. I had her cremated and thought I'd be ok picking up her ashes but broke down again. I finally made myself better by buying her a wooden box I can sand,put finish on and craft just for her. It was the utmost hardest thing to do, but much better than watching her suffer. As you have definitely made the best decision it still tears your heart out. Think about good things and times with your kitty. Gather all the photos you have and create a scrapbook laughing and crying at the same time. Don't get another kitty until you are sure you're ready. Best of luck to you and big Hugs for the loss of you kitty.
One of my cats died last week after two months of me taking her to vets to try to find out what was wrong with her so I know how much it hurts. I have had to have other ill cats euthanized in the past. You have to tell yourself that you gave your cat a good home and that she was loved by you, something not every animal gets in their lifetime. If in the future you feel you are ready, adopt a shelter cat and you will be saving another cat's life in honor of your cat. This site might give you some comfort.
http://www.petloss.com/
I wish I knew why this had to happen. If you made a choice because of convenience you may be suffering from quilt rather than grief. I have had to have some pets put down because they were not suitable for adoption and could not be reformed of some bad habits(extreme destructive or aggressive behavior, no medical reason apparent). The quilt I feel is alleviated only by knowing I gave a chance to someone elses abused castoff. I am also suffering from anger at not being able to have things my way. This anger also occurs when serious health problems are the cause and I am helpless to fix it, even if it is old age. This is injured pride, not grief. These feelings take time to sort out and deal with. In the mean time, move on. If you feel that you were a successful pet person, put those rare skills back in play. Give another one of God's creatures the benefit of your home.
It's a basic of life that we can't keep who we love but the biggest betrayal is to stop caring. This is one of the biggest lessons our dear little friends teach us and our children. There will always be that little spot that aches, be glad you can feel, that you are not one of those "others".
If your pet was put to sleep because of unrelievable suffering, I commend you for making a very hard choice, and a right one. That was the job he or she trusted you to do and expected of you. If your age, health, and circumstances allow, you are the perfect one to give a new home to a very needy shelter animal. It will be a new personality with different whims and ways, a new "lease on life". It will not fill the old place but create a new one.
I have lost many cats over the years, some I had to show mercy and put them down, but some have died on their own. I had to put down two cats within 2 years of each other. Now that was hard. But after Minnie Mouse I went to my vet and asked them to keep ears open for a cat who needed a special home full of love. Just that day another vet said I have just the kitten for you. Farmer had told him he had a cat born that was not good for the farm, she was way too furry for a farm cat.so we went to see her and even tho Minnie was only shortly gone we fell in love with this misplaced sweet Maine Coon kitten, with her multi toed
feet. Today she is 7 yrs old and lives with out 9 yr old happily. Minnie and Buffy would be glad we saved her, she has brought alot of love into our hearts. You know the best way to get over losing a dear pet is saving another..
May your grief become bearable.I know it will all cat lovers have enough love for more cats, I did.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Like the others have said, you never get over the loss, it becomes a part of you that moves on with the memories.
Rainbow Bridge is a website that has a pet loss section. Many local Human Societies also have grief workshops for those who have lost their furbabies. You can call them to inquire about local workshops.
I lost my cat Narcise 6 years ago when she had a brain tumour. She never came out of the operation to heal her. I still cry when I think of her clinging to me as she left me for the operation. I had her cremated to keep her with me always. My other cat had known Narcise since she was 8 weeks old and joined out home. She went into a strong depression and I was told by the vet that unless I got another cat, she may also die. That is how Nesta came into my home.
For some people when they adopt another cat it helps them. For others, volunteering at a shelter or giving a donation in their animal's name also eases things. Take things day by day, minute by minute and know that your cat's life was full of love, because of YOU.
If you believe in such things, keep an open mind and your cat may "visit" you. Narcise has come to me at night sometimes, she had a very unique purr. Sometimes when I sleep I wake up to hear her next to me in "her" spot purring her unique purr. I know when my time comes she will be there for me too.
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